It’s 2Am. You’ve only been asleep for an hour as Pinterest, meaningless Facebook exchanges and reruns of The Big Bang Theory have seduced you since I fell asleep. Suddenly you’re jolted awake as you hear it. You hear me.
What’s the worst part? The fact that my dead of night scream has no detectable cause or that there was no upward escalation, no warning, to my fever pitch ostrich wail/battle cry?
Your mind races. Was this a solitary banshee call or is this the beginning of a night long exchange filled with endless blanket readjustments, sock changes, sips of water, inappropriate laughter, and demands for alternate parents?
Will you walk into my room to find a sweaty, snoring angel or- as I’m sure you fear greatly- will you find me standing up in my bed staring you straight in the eye, slight smile on my face, awake like it’s the middle of the afternoon…”All done!”
I can almost see you lying there, frozen with eyes crazy wide. Or are you sitting up right now, your frail grownup heart pounding as you barter with God? Don’t bother trying to recall common parenting techniques. Forget Ferber, the Toddler Council of Swift Justice ended him months ago (check his attic LOL).
You wait. 10 seconds pass. Nothing. 20 seconds. Quiet. 30 seconds. You don’t dare assume you’re in the clear and try to fall back asleep. The only thing worse than being yanked from slumber once is it happening twice in such a short time period. Fries the nerves.
A full minute passes. Then two. You hear nothing. Are your hands trembling?
Maybe it was just a growing pain. Or a nightmare. Or the realization that the park never closes and you’re a liar.
But for now you are free to rest.
Sleep tight. Don’t let the bed bugs bite. xo HT