4:45AM Wake up. Work on my memoirs.

5AM Alert the parental units.

5:01AM Notice that no one has come. Escalate.

5:01 30 seconds Parental whispering over whose job it is to fetch me turns into a disagreement over which is harder, working inside or outside of the home.

5:02AM Hear mommy say, “I’d like to see you try it for one day.”

5:02AM 30 seconds Hear daddy say, “I didn’t sleep last night either.”

5:03AM Daddy comes in. Don’t hide my disappointment.

5:04AM Crackers and milk in between my parents as they fade in and out of fitful sleep. Giggle.

7AM Second breakfast. Eat 2 tablespoons.

8AM-9:50AM Tomfoolery

9:50AM Pre-nap hysterics. Break something.

10AM Nap

Noon Reject lunch

12:30PM Ask for lunch.

12:30PM 30 seconds Shame the woman for eating my lunch.

12:40PM Lunch

12:40PM-3PM Think about daddy

3:PM-5:30PM UP whilst crying

5:30PM Greet my soul mate

5:30-6PM Gleefully play

6-8PM Fight the power

8PM In bed

8PM-5AM Shenanigans