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Hi Rudolph,
How are you? I know I’ve never reached out to you before but I just wanted to say that I think being different is wonderful. I’ve been learning about you, Rudolph. That thing with your nose. I think it’s cool. I hope it’s not a symptom of something wrong in your body, though.
I just wanted to ask something really fast…has Santa…has Santa said anything about me lately? Mentioned me? Remember how all of the other reindeer used to laugh and call you names? They never let poor Rudolph play in any reindeer games? Well something similar actually happened to me so you and I, we’re like family. Except it wasn’t another reindeer it was my mom.
Sometimes she gets confused and lies about me.
Your story is very inspiring and I think it’s safe to say that you beat the odds.
Rudolph, you’re probably training pretty intensely right now but I have a very small favor to ask. You know where the the list of childrens’ grievances/honest mistakes are, yes? I need you to make sure Christmas will be a good day for me by going into Santa’s office and eating it. I know you are half dog half goat so please don’t act like this is the first time you’ve eaten paper.
I am a good child and every day I try my best. Let me ask you something. Where was Santa when the other reindeer were making life hard for you? Probably sitting on his throne with his elves and his gold. Bottom line he didn’t protect you, Rudolph, and now you have the chance to protect a toddler who like you just wants a chance.
There’s at least six baby carrots with your name on them if you do this for me. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Don’t call my home phone. It has recently been placed out of reach.
I love you day in and day out. The only reason I’m not being a Rudolph for Halloween is because I already have a real hero costume but maybe next year no promises.
xoxo HT
PS. Are you immortal.
*Santa if you’re reading this for some reason even though this isn’t for you and that’s mail fraud I haven’t sleeping well lately and I am delirious. Where am I?
60 Comment on “Rudolph”
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The Book is Here!
F’s Mummy
18 Oct 2012 07:10 am
I am just tired of this child. iCant.
Chloe
18 Oct 2012 07:10 am
… You don’t have to read it…
I for one still find him hilarious.
vitaplastica
26 Oct 2012 02:10 pm
Him? I always assumed she was a girl…
Liza
18 Oct 2012 08:10 am
you say that…yet you obviously continue to read…
Captain Optimist
18 Oct 2012 09:10 am
And yet…here you are.
Maddy’s Mom
18 Oct 2012 11:10 am
Uhm – why don’t you go away and play with all the other boring, nasty adults. HT is off the hook and a hero to kids everywhere!
B’s Mommy
18 Oct 2012 02:10 pm
Then don’t read it!!!?!????!???????????? It’s not rocket science, sweetheart.. HT is AWE-SOME.
dorothy
18 Oct 2012 08:10 pm
Dont take it so serious. lighten up or stop reading.
Mother of awesome
22 Oct 2012 08:10 pm
Hang in there F’s mummy, your sense of humour sometimes takes a hit when you have toddlers. Maybe come back when you’re not so tired
MAR’s Dad
29 Oct 2012 09:10 am
F’s Mummy, stop reading then. HT is not forcing you. But it sounds like you need the humor injections if you ask me.
Angela
30 Oct 2012 06:10 am
its for entertainment purposes only, suggest you have an open mind when reading or don’t read it at all…stop sticking your nose high in the air and learn to see things for a kids point of view.
ds mama
30 Oct 2012 11:10 am
girl they clearly dont know what “iCant” means -_-
Sillyboots
14 May 2013 12:05 pm
Someone needs a nap! :p
bdmj0926
18 Oct 2012 07:10 am
Wow HT. I guess Santa didn’t get your letter earlier this year (or you received a negative response) and now you’re trying to get to Rudolph lol. You may want to try Mrs. Clause I hear she’s the one who makes all of the lists AND reads the mail first, because men forget sometimes and woman have to organize everything for their husbands. Just a little tip for your next attempt at getting this whole naughty list thing straightened out.
Rebekah Rising
18 Oct 2012 08:10 am
Retired from long career as a nanny ~ Honest Toddler fills a gaping hole. It’s wonderful to experience, vicariously, a blow by blow account of real, wonderful, frustrating, fascinating life with kids. Not to mention, belly laughs. Thanks, mom-of-honest-toddler!
Megan
18 Oct 2012 08:10 am
The highlight of my day is my twitter feed being filled with Honest Toddler. I even read some aloud to my husband. So cute! Ignore rude comment above…last time I checked no one was forcing anyone to read.
tableLeg
28 Oct 2012 03:10 am
Me too! I’ve read every single one aloud to my hubby…HT is awesome. It doesn’t give him a belly ache from laughing, like it does me, but he enjoys it too.
ds mama
30 Oct 2012 11:10 am
OMG! she didnt mean it is a rude comment, its a urban thing! so! ridiculous
Alexis
31 Oct 2012 03:10 am
It’s a twitter thing, hun. Not an “urban” one. Good try though.
marishka
18 Oct 2012 09:10 am
Why do I consistently find myself reading this in the voice of Stewie from [i]Family Guy[/i]?
Bella
18 Oct 2012 10:10 am
I also read all of HT funnies in the voice of Stewie.
Kelly
18 Oct 2012 11:10 am
Thank goodness, I’m not alone!
temperjen
20 Oct 2012 09:10 pm
I do too!
Mommy Road
20 Oct 2012 11:10 pm
Oh thanks, now I’ll be doing it too. Although it does add to the humor. hehe.
Ilse
18 Oct 2012 09:10 am
I don’t think F’s Mummy was being rude. It’s not funny when you’re in it. While we obviously enjoy HT’s outrageous plots, it is hard to deal with that kind of thing *in your own house*, *from your own flesh and blood*! All my compassion to you, F’s Mummy. If it’s too hard on you right now, come back in a few years. The funny will kick in then. If you aren’t in the nuthouse by that time, mind you.
Mommy of two toddlers
24 Oct 2012 08:10 pm
You think? I actually come specifically to visit HT when I’m feeling particularly insane… That way, it helps me remember we’re not alone with the craziness!
KellyS
26 Oct 2012 11:10 pm
Absolutely. HT makes me feel better about my own crazy, sometimes sweet and sometimes sour, toddler!
rr8053
29 Oct 2012 10:10 am
I agree! I think HT’s posts are the BEST when it reminds of something happening in my own house. Reminds me I’m not alone AND reminds me child is human too and isn’t trying to be evil. He’s just being a little boy in a very confusing world.
ds mama
30 Oct 2012 11:10 am
*sigh* she didn’t, nor was it meant to be take seriously! “icant” really is a cultural thing i guess… it’s used when something is too funny, or ridiculous to make sense!
humorednanny
19 Nov 2012 03:11 pm
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=iCan%27t
bruckily
18 Oct 2012 09:10 am
HT, if you aren’t at the top of the “nice” list, then something just isn’t right in the world. Also, I second the Mrs. Claus idea. She sounds a lot like your grandma.
Joie Lake
18 Oct 2012 09:10 am
I’d love to see a “Like” button or “thumbs up and down.” Of course you’d not see a thumbs down because this is some of the most creative writing I’ve seen for some time. I love the way you think!
missneriss
18 Oct 2012 09:10 am
It takes me back to my own childhood, plotting and scheming so that I would still get presents even though I was a terror. I just know I’m in for it in about 18 months when my baby becomes one herself…
Can’t wait for what’s next.
jaclyn @ www.lilmsadventures.blogspot.com
18 Oct 2012 11:10 am
Aww hopefully you will have time to explain when your mommy takes you to see Santa at the mall
Just make sure to slip the elves some extra smiles and hugs!!
Lauralei age 16 months
18 Oct 2012 02:10 pm
HT the way to Rudolph’s heart is reindeer food, have mommy make a big batch! Set it right out front door, Rudolph’s special nose will definelty make Santa stop!
Tracy
18 Oct 2012 04:10 pm
HT, your posts always brighten my day. When I see Santa, I will put in a good word for you.
And F’s Mummy, it’s all in fun, but if you can’t, then don’t. No one is making you.
Sabine
18 Oct 2012 06:10 pm
Your posts crack me up every time. This is especially brilliant. Keep up the good work!
PG
19 Oct 2012 05:10 am
“Sometimes she gets confused and lies about me”
Epic!! LOL
Also, on a more reflective note:
“I am a good child and every day I try my best” is a great reminder to me as a mom to a 21 month old…
Thank you for the laughs!
paisleyrainphotography
19 Oct 2012 08:10 am
As a mom to 5 kids, ages 15 to 5… I have survived (barely) the toddler years. But I do (sometimes) miss it. A chapter in my life that is over, and I LOVE reading your posts HT. I show them to my husband and we really get a kick out of it! If I need a good laugh or something to cheer me up, I visit your FB page and I am instantly rolling! Than you! Keep up the great writing!
saintonge235
20 Oct 2012 04:10 am
HT, I think you should have left out the halloween costume bit. Otherwise, fine flattery, and I’m sure Rudolph has eaten that list already.
Rubbing noses with Rudolph | Tuesday2's Blog
20 Oct 2012 03:10 pm
[...] Hence the Christmas topic: copy/pasted straight from Honest Toddler. [...]
IACosgmogirl
22 Oct 2012 08:10 pm
I love to laugh, it soothes my soul. My youngest is a teen but it’s like they were born yesterday when I read HT. Thank you.
Creative Liar
23 Oct 2012 12:10 pm
Six baby carrots?? You mean business!
Sash
27 Oct 2012 12:10 am
Ht just means all the veg he can hide from his plate until Christmas! I am sure that is something my lot would have done
amiabnormal
24 Oct 2012 03:10 am
Hilarious
Check out my blog to see a very similar blog to this
but with the main character as a teenager.
Del Traffanstedt (@Traffanstedtd)
25 Oct 2012 09:10 pm
HT for President!!!
Jenniek
25 Oct 2012 09:10 pm
Just watch out for the elf on the shelf. He actually stopped at our house last week for a spot check since a certain five year old needed some straightening!
hlgbccheer
01 Nov 2012 08:11 am
Awesome! A certain elf might need to appear here soon too… LOL
Geri
01 Nov 2012 10:11 am
I’m a fan – but wonder – are there NEW posts by THT? I seem to be getting a gazillion comments on the Rudolph one, but am “hungry” for new topics too! Are there new stories I’m not seeing?
mummy mum
26 Oct 2012 01:10 pm
unfortunate that yours was the first post !
Chris
26 Oct 2012 02:10 pm
How much joy leaps into my heart when I get the email that there is a new HT blog post!
My oldest is 2 1/2, I read and nod as I go, yup that’s our house too!
Holly
26 Oct 2012 03:10 pm
That’s funny, I think of HT as a boy also
Sarah
26 Oct 2012 03:10 pm
I honestly can’t stop laughing when I read these posts. That is priceless. THANK YOU HT!
Sarah
26 Oct 2012 03:10 pm
Also, are you guys seriously posting criticisms to the author of this post? Quit reading it. Simple as that. She is brilliant and doesn’t need your “help”
Alissa
26 Oct 2012 06:10 pm
I love HT.
Nell
26 Oct 2012 11:10 pm
Love it. I have always also thought of Rudolph as not quite a normal animal but never half dog/half goat. Brilliant! Keep us all cracking up, HT. You can have a playdate with my little boy anytime.
B!ll
27 Oct 2012 06:10 am
I have laughed so hard reading HT’s posts that I actually woke my infant child who had just fallen asleep on my chest after a particularly long teething / screaming session. OMG this blog is the go-to place for a little parenthood relief.
Amy
09 Nov 2012 03:11 pm
From tagdef.com- “”i can’t” or “i cannot” is a response to something funny or witty. It’s most commonly used with stans/fanbases on Twitter.”
Rudolph | Baby Settling
20 Jan 2013 08:01 am
[...] View the original article here [...]
http://tinyurl.com/soscwelsh22795
29 Jan 2013 06:01 am
“The Honest Toddler