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Last night I suffered a nightmare. I dreamt that candy corn crops around the world had simultaneously failed and farmers were forced to plant onions in their place. Halloween, as you can imagine, smelled terrible.
The reason I had this dream was because inside of my body, an unsatisfactory dinner was destroying me. I can’t even remember what we had but it wasn’t something I’d serve a small child unless I hated them. Usually I supervise dinnertime by standing directly underfoot but yesterday I trusted my family not to disappoint me. Wrong again.
Once a meal is made, adults will serve it whether it is successful or not because of pride. I’m here to say that with a little doctoring, any meal can go from disgusting to delicious. It’s easy! Put your beverage down and let’s begin!
Meatloaf and Mashed Potatoes with Glazed Carrots
Step 1: Put the glazed carrots in a microwave-safe bowl and throw them in the outside trash.
Step 2: Cut your meatloaf into slices and roll them on a cutting board until they become hot dogs.
Step 3: Spread the mashed potatoes on a large plate. Cut into sticks. Put the sticks in the oven. Bake until french fries happen.
Step 4: Serve the hot dogs (no buns) and fries to your happy family.
Almond-Crusted Halibut and Green Beans
Step 1: Give the green beans to a homeless individual.
Step 2: Take the almonds off of the halibut.
Step 3: Put the halibut on a clean surface.
Step 4: Ask yourself what halibut is.
Step 5: Google “halibut” on your home computer.
Step 6: Hold back your tears when you find out.
Step 7: Gently place halibut in the outside trash next to the carrots.
Step 8: Order tacos.
You’ve probably picked up your beverage. Put it back down.
Tuna Noodle Casserole
Step 1: Take the Tuna Noodle Casserole out of the oven.
Step 2: Arrange sticks of dynamite.
Step 3: Go outside.
Step 4: Explode your house.
Step 5: Go to Sizzler or a buffet.
Chicken Pot Pie
Step 1: Put Chicken Pot Pie on the table.
Step 2: Buy a regular delicious pie.
Step 3: Put a large blanket over Chicken Pot Pie.
Step 4: Eat regular pie.
Beef Stroganoff
Step 1: When you start smelling smells, take Beef Stroganoff off of the stove.
Step 2: Pour Beef Stroganoff over fresh pasta, potatoes, or rice who cares.
Step 3: Place individual servings on plates.
Step 4: Say goodbye to your neighbors.
Step 5: Walk home.
Step 6: Enjoy toast and 100% juice with your family.
Gingered Pork Chops in Orange Juice
Step 1: Apologize to the orange juice.
Step 2: Get a skateboard.
Step 3: Arrange Gingered Pork Chops in Orange Juice on skateboard.
Step 4: Give it a hard push
Step 5: Run.
_________
Congrats, a million times, congrats! What we did there is called compromising. You get to enjoy cooking and your toddler gets to enjoy being alive. What you need to remember is that just because people live with you doesn’t mean you get to hurt them with food. Does that make sense?
You are loved. You are appreciated. You’re also warned lol.
If you need help finding tacos, do not turn to Pinterest where bad ideas are rewarded with attention. See below.
Tacos in a Mason Jar
What type of tomfoolery is this. ————————->
I suppose come dinner time you just throw it against a wall and try to find meat amongst the shards. You’ll need long pants and gloves for this adventure.
Someone said to themselves, “Tacos would be perfect if we just replaced the shell with glass.”
It already has 11 repins so that means 11 families are in the emergency room.
56 Comment on “Adult Recipes”
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The Book is Here!
Stephanie
23 Sep 2012 10:09 am
Does Trader Joe’s sell organic dynamite?
Annalisa
23 Sep 2012 01:09 pm
If they do, it’s probably right next to the cat food. I wouldn’t know, because we haven’t been able to go to that aisle since the daughter started toddling and running off from me to steal yogurt cartons off the dairy shelves (girlfriend could probably live on yogurt and pasta indefinitely).
Megan
23 Sep 2012 10:09 am
Made my day. I promise not to serve my toddler tacos in glass. Right now, she is eating cheese and Chex. The Chex is dry. I hope I’m parenting in a manner that is acceptable.
jdens
23 Sep 2012 11:09 am
oh god, I was holding it together until I got to the mason jar tacos. wth? Can’t stop laughing.
Deb
25 Sep 2012 07:09 pm
Totally with you… CRYING
Dallas
10 Jan 2013 10:01 pm
same thing happened here. I can’t stop snorting.
Joann Woolley
23 Sep 2012 11:09 am
We have been serving taco salad in our house as seperate items on a plate for the kiddos for 6 years – finally just this week my 6yo and 5yo wanted it “mixed together” like mom and dad. Our 3yo however may not yet be done with toddlerhood as he only ate the tortilla chips and cheese and meat. One day. I hope. I promise I’ll never try the glass tacos though ; )
Kelly & Dave (@BecomingCrunchy)
23 Sep 2012 11:09 am
Dying…best one yet I think!
kitty james
23 Sep 2012 12:09 pm
HT, do you have a pinterest account? I would love to see your boards and use your ideas to support my 3 boys, great minds would appreciate your input in their lives.
lucy
23 Sep 2012 01:09 pm
My ht refuses most foods, resulting in waffles for every meal. It works, less preparation and cleaning for me and no tantrums.
Annalisa
23 Sep 2012 01:09 pm
There’s a restaurant very close to where I live that caters to toddlers. Within three visits, I’ve learned that pizza toppings are acceptable on waffles, that if you serve chocolate hummus in a cone it almost tastes like ice cream, and that unmashed strawberries are never acceptable no matter what the presentation.
I’m sure HT will want to take notes on where this place is so he can fire bomb it, which is why I’m not disclosing where I live.
mmmarmalade
24 Sep 2012 05:09 pm
OMG! I wanna bomb that place myself! Chocolate hummus? Seriously?
Annalisa
26 Sep 2012 05:09 pm
In its defense, chocolate hummus tastes *this* close to chocolate frosting (but unlike the latter, it might be good for you).
Daphne Turner Bingham
23 Sep 2012 01:09 pm
Head down on table laughing.
Mouse
23 Sep 2012 01:09 pm
Oh my gosh! Kitty is brilliant. Please open a pinterest account and link to it so that we may benefit from your knowledge and supremely sarcastic captions.
Bella’s Mum
18 Oct 2012 10:10 am
Yes, My toddler would love to follow your Pinterest account!!
Ida
23 Sep 2012 07:09 pm
I’ve actually seen the Mason jar taco pin before, under the category of “should never be repinned”, lol!
saintonge235
23 Sep 2012 07:09 pm
I wish I’d had your advice when I was a toddler. Some of the things they served me … *SHUDDER*
Still, at least I was spared the glass tacos!
Mo
23 Sep 2012 08:09 pm
LOL I love it! Last night my toddler would only eat 2 cheese sticks a few bites of broccoli. I’ll keep your cooking tips in mind for our next meal!
Jody Raabe
23 Sep 2012 10:09 pm
Another Mommy FAIL tonight – I served Mr. Noodles to my Rascal in hopes that the fun curly noodles would appeal to him – honestly, JUST the noodles! Apparently these are too long to just swallow more than one at a time, and adding ketchup (a family tradition!) RUINED this. sigh! Peanut butter sandwiches again – second time today!
Lesson noted.
Adult Recipes | Honest Toddler « lavulapuny
23 Sep 2012 10:09 pm
[...] Source: http://thehonesttoddler.com/morerecipes/ [...]
Holly
24 Sep 2012 03:09 am
My toddler is evidently sick as he just ate an entire bowl of dinosaur past with roast capsicum and carrot hummus (used as a sauce for the toddler who is allergic to everything in traditional pasta sauce) and sweet chilli tuna, he even asked for more. Will proceed to the emergency room I think
Wendy
14 Oct 2012 05:10 am
I think mine is as well. We had stuffed capsicums a few weeks back and he loved them, as well as the poached fish, asparagus, tuscan potato, portugese chicken and other exotic type foods we have on a semi regular basis
jaclyn @ www.lilmsadventures.blogspot.com
24 Sep 2012 12:09 pm
Tacos in a jar? How can you eat it? How gross is that? Sorry your mom and dad aren’t serving you ice cream for dinner everynight… that’s no fun!! where are the cookies in all their dinners?
Midori
24 Sep 2012 02:09 pm
Dear Honest Toddler, I feel this post is resonating with me after I *may* have accidentally fed my toddler a spicy stuffed pepper for dinner last night and listened to him yell “Mommy I dont LIIIIIIKE this” a million times before I realized that the green pepper I had given him was not a normal bell pepper but some crazy spicy hybrid resulting in an emergency mac n cheese packet in the microwave. At least it wasnt tacos in glass.
Lacey
24 Sep 2012 05:09 pm
Ha! Find taco meat amongst glass shards! Who decided mason jars were fashionable? When did Hillbillies get to decide what is chic?
Dyana
25 Sep 2012 11:09 am
Since Honey Boo Boo got her own show…
ThoughtProvokingMoments
25 Sep 2012 06:09 pm
ROTFL!!
Adult Recipes | Honest Toddler | Pc World
25 Sep 2012 01:09 am
[...] Source: http://thehonesttoddler.com/morerecipes/ [...]
rootietoot
25 Sep 2012 05:09 pm
My adult children and husband have exactly the same reaction to glazed carrots and tuna casserole. It’s how I get them to take me out to dinner.
Annalisa
26 Sep 2012 05:09 pm
Devious. I like it!
jfugi
25 Sep 2012 05:09 pm
Rootietoot, you are a very forward thinking woman, I like your style!
ThoughtProvokingMoments
25 Sep 2012 06:09 pm
I might be an adult, but i’m with the toddler…..stay away from the glazed carrots!
mini-cake
26 Sep 2012 02:09 am
So that’s why my toddler didn’t eat the chicken pot pie I made the other day which was full of veggies, made with homemade chicken stock and herbs. Silly me!
Jen
26 Sep 2012 05:09 pm
Mason jars tacos! “It already has 11 repins so that means 11 families are in the emergency room.”
I die, I die!
Pam
27 Sep 2012 11:09 am
Too funny!!! Just found your blog. I teach Child Development at a community college and have to turn all my students onto this for a laugh.
Jane
28 Sep 2012 02:09 am
I have found these recipes work well for picky husbands as well! Thanks for all the great kitchen tips.
Pavithra
28 Sep 2012 03:09 am
“You get to enjoy cooking and your toddler gets to enjoy being alive. What you need to remember is that just because people live with you doesn’t mean you get to hurt them with food.” This post will be my guiding light as i try to feed my 4 year old.
Can’t stop laughing. Thank you.
Genius.
Kris
03 Oct 2012 01:10 pm
I have to remember not to read your posts when I am at work on my lunchbreak. I almost choked on my food twice! (I was having spaghetti and broken cookies so that I don’t have to server them to MY kids.)
Lynne
03 Oct 2012 03:10 pm
Great post, I so needed that laugh today!! Please get a Pinterest account
Daisha
03 Oct 2012 05:10 pm
I must be an odd ball but I never made 2 meals. When the kid would not eat what was served, they just didn’t eat!! LOL I know i am ‘mean’!
Creative Liar
05 Oct 2012 12:10 pm
I’m quite certain you’re the best thing that has happened to the Internet. And they post pictures of kittens wearing glasses on that thing so you know, no easy feat.
Oysters — Jenny Erikson – Conservative Blogger
05 Oct 2012 09:10 pm
[...] case you doubt me on this, I refer you to Honest Toddler, who had this to say about how one should serve seafood: Almond-Crusted Halibut and Green Beans [...]
dececcokm
08 Oct 2012 11:10 am
Confession on behalf of adults everywhere…. We only feed you the veggies and healthy foods because we love you, We eat it so that you will eat it, and then we put you to bed and eat cookies, ice-cream, chips and candy.
sharron
08 Oct 2012 10:10 pm
Tears are pouring down my face…and I am crying as I try to read this to my husband. My toddler asked for chicken fingers and milk for dinner tonight…he didn’t get that…I guess I was warned!
Kat @ MomeeeZen
10 Oct 2012 08:10 pm
I really am LOL. Oh my HT you are spot on. Again!
sheila7697
12 Oct 2012 02:10 pm
So funny! I agree about the tacos in a jar! What is this fad? I can go with some of it. But tacos?!!!!
I’m toddler-less myself, but I have a two year old granddaughter who would agree with your recipe/menu suggestions. I’ll pass this on to her.
Thanks for making my day! ~ Sheila
Weekend Reading » Simply Thorough Mama
14 Oct 2012 05:10 pm
[...] Recipes for Adults from the Honest Toddler… I literally LOLed. “If you need help finding tacos, do not turn to Pinterest where bad ideas are rewarded with attention.” In case you needed a new recipe for dinner tonight: Chicken Pot Pie [...]
Rachel
17 Oct 2012 04:10 pm
This is HILARIOUS! HT please come talk to my almost 2 year old..my husband’s been wondering why the hell she curses so much (since birth, actually). I have no dammit clue either.
KCG
20 Oct 2012 02:10 pm
In the taco in a jar defense, I have actually utilized it! I have done it a few times while student teaching this semester. I don’t like tortillas, or hard shells, but LOVE the veggies and seasoned meat. The mason jar allows me to carry it in my bag without the plastic containers opening or smashing the veggies I put in it. Do I eat the jar? No. But I find that having a few old spaghetti sauce jars on hand saves money on plastic containers, store well, don’t get as dingy after multiple uses, and after I eat I can rinse it out and use it to drink out of (If I have already downed the necessary amount of coffee to fuel a jet engine in order to maintain composure in the kindergarten classroom)
Ricky Anderson
25 Oct 2012 10:10 am
Oh. My. Head.
HT, you almost got me fired today.
Not that I was reading this at work when the boss walked in…
Good Reads and Good Deeds
25 Nov 2012 09:11 am
[...] Adult Recipes | Honest Toddler – this post cracks me up – especially the first step of the first recipe. The blog is supposed to be written from the perspective of a (very snarky) toddler. If you like this post, the Big Bed post is hilarious too. [...]
Parents The Honest Toddler at Bunchland
08 Jan 2013 08:01 am
[...] For example, our favourite Honest Toddler recipe: [...]
Brittany
08 Jan 2013 02:01 pm
OK I am rolling laughing. Thanks, HT, for making this Mama laugh!
The glass tacos are killing me…..
Recettes adultes | Baby Settling
08 Feb 2013 07:02 am
[...] View the original article here [...]
MommytoMaddie
10 Mar 2013 08:03 pm
When I read this post, I laughed so hard that tears came to my eyes! My own HT wants to know what’s so funny, but of course I can’t let her in on your insights!