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I was studying the search terms that bring people to my blog and noticed that many of you stalkers are typing “who is honest toddler” into Google. UHHHHHHH LOL. Weird.
So you want to get to know me? I don’t know my last name or where I live or my phone number but I’d like to introduce you to the adults in my life.
Interview with Mama:
Me: What exactly is your problem?
Mama: I don’t have a problem but you need to watch your tone. You smell like poo. Did you poo?
Interview with Grandma:
Me: Hi Grammy Grams
Grandma: I love you sweet baby
Me: I love you, too.
Grandma: You look so skinny. Are they feeding you?
Me: No they’re not.
Grandma: My poor angel.
Me: I know.
Grandma: Do you need cookies?
Me: Yes grammy.
Grandma: What kind would you like me to make darling?
Me: (smiling)
Grandma: Chocolate chip?
Me: You know me so well, gram grams. Come over anytime, we we’ll be here. Not at the park.
Grandma: My poor angel.
Me: I know.
Interview with Daddy
Me: Hi daddy!
Daddy: Please tell me where my wallet is.
Me: LOL!
Daddy: Where did you put it.
Me: How tall are you?
Daddy: I need to know.
Me: Are you part giant?
Daddy: This isn’t funny.
Me: You have so much hair on your body. How does that make you feel?
Daddy: I’m going to give you one more chance.
Me: Or what.
Daddy: (staring at me) (walks away)
Interview with Grandpa
Me: Hello grandpa.
Grandpa: What’s on your face? Have you been eating lotion?
Me: Yes. Were you born before fire existed? How old are you?
Grandpa: Older than you can count. Where are your clothes?
Me: I took them off.
Grandpa: (stands up and walks away rudely)
——End——
27 Comment on “Interviews”
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The Book is Here!
jessi
31 Jul 2012 06:07 pm
Love it, no need to “know” about who honest toddler is, you make me laugh, what wlse is there to know?
Ella Ran
12 Aug 2012 03:08 pm
I concur. SO don’t care who you are…just keep it comin’!
Phantasy Island
20 Aug 2012 02:08 am
Totally agree. I hope you stay anonymous forever. In my mind you’re a smart-ass toddler! I don’t want the illusion to be ruined by the knowledge of the man/woman behind the curtain.
MomeeeZen
31 Jul 2012 06:07 pm
Hahahaha! You appear to be very similar to my son. I knew you all were conspiring together
AreUcryingaboutthat
31 Jul 2012 06:07 pm
Child services called; even they want you spanked.
BJ
31 Jul 2012 06:07 pm
So clever…I don’t care who are…I’m a Grammy…never grow up….promise?
Mom of a 3 yr old!
31 Jul 2012 06:07 pm
Good interview skills….be consistent with your agenda for the interview and not getting sidetracked with the side questions from the mom, dad and grandparents!!!
Michael Daniel Hall
31 Jul 2012 07:07 pm
“Well, we’ll be here, not at the park.” Awesome. I love it.
Jennifer Manda Baca
31 Jul 2012 07:07 pm
Stranger danger!
Carrie
31 Jul 2012 11:07 pm
love the interview with daddy and grandpa (sounds too familiar!!)
jessie
01 Aug 2012 12:08 am
hilarious! love this blog
ppmuzah
01 Aug 2012 02:08 am
it been way too long. Quit your day job and stick to this. I love it. Gram grams is the best…she sounds like the iron lady who raised me who has been replaced by the marshmallow adoring her grandkids!
maria precioso
01 Aug 2012 05:08 am
Tried to look for HT and got this:
“I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my TODDLER go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.”
His dad is Liam Neeson.
Kris
01 Aug 2012 09:08 am
HT you sound a bit like a little-but older than you–
boy named Calvin, now missing from the funny pages. Do you have a tiger friend?
Marissa
01 Aug 2012 10:08 am
My daughter wants to know if you are single? She thinks boys are bad for the next 25.5 years, but we’re on the look out for family-oriented, witty, wholesome young chaps.
Angela
01 Aug 2012 10:08 am
I love this blog, it really makes my laugh!
sassyNtubeless
01 Aug 2012 10:08 am
HAHA my mommy always asks me if I went poo too!! And daddy always gets mad cause he can’t find his keys!! But I do like to pull his chest hairs!!
http://www.lilmsadventures.blogspo
More Cookies Please
01 Aug 2012 11:08 am
Wow, I’m well into my 30s and my conversations with my Grandma still pretty much track yours. Grandmas are so amazing. (sigh)
HoldOnPumpkin
02 Aug 2012 12:08 am
HT- you are such a good little journalist and truly have a gift for expression! I’m very curious if you freestyle these blogs off the dome or if you carefully cultivate them so us big folks don’t get it twisted?! Oh do tell!!
Meri Phillips
02 Aug 2012 11:08 am
I don’t care who Honest Toddler is. Just promise me you’ll keep writing!
Amy M. Pontius
02 Aug 2012 04:08 pm
Honest toddler is funnier than anyone/any writer on tv. When are you going on The Late Show?
bigballsofholly
02 Aug 2012 10:08 pm
Your face is juice crackers tv
littlegigigirl
05 Aug 2012 11:08 pm
This was cute…loved response to Mom. My friends think I have a fetish with the word poo…glad you understand.
dramafreemama
17 Aug 2012 09:08 pm
HAHAHA I love looking at what search terms brought people to my blog! Somehow the words “lil wayne in underpants” showed up in my search terms recently… Ummm, i run a mom-blog. I’m still stumped on this one!
themidlifesecondwife
04 Sep 2012 12:09 pm
Honest Toddler, I have a theory about your identity. I believe you are either David Sedaris or Andy Borowitz in a baby suit. Your thoughts?
Alexandra Rosas (@GDRPempress)
07 Sep 2012 01:09 pm
I’m for staying anonymous.
Makes it all the more fantastic.
Mason 2yrs
29 Oct 2012 02:10 pm
Good job answering questions with questions. It keeps them on your topic and oblivious to your devious actions that may or may not have occurred at some point prior to said interview