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31 May 2012
I Hate Mason Jars
The other day I commented on Twitter about how Pinterst had convinced thousands (millions?) of people to think that drinking out of mason jars was brilliant/whimsical and should be done at weddings. Immediately, every single…
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31 May 2012
How To Do Laundry
Toddlers, one day we will grow up, get jobs, and have enough money to arrange for our parents to take up residence in an unlicensed assisted living facility. At that time, learning to do things…
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31 May 2012
Pinterest: New Evidence
Maybe Chung is a customs agent or homeland security offer with x-ray vision and was speaking to the validity of this passport. “So true” as in “this is a real passport.” Doubtful. I’d love to…
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30 May 2012
How to Win at Bedtime
Toddlers, listen to me. Winning at bedtime has nothing to do with crying, making excuses, fake coughing, or pretending to be hungry for the repulsive dinner you rejected earlier. That’s baby stuff. And we’re not…
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30 May 2012
Yo Gabba Gabba: Not for Toddlers
Shame on you, Nickelodeon. Why would you think a show about a man battling against life-sized STDs is appropriate for children?
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30 May 2012
Pinterest is Making You Dumb
I appreciate innovation. Attached to my sleep cage is a fisher price ocean wonders aquarium. It plays (slightly out of tune) music including pachelbel’s canon in d, the plastic fish move around, there are bubbles, lights-…
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29 May 2012
Things I Hate: Pinterest
I know, toddlers aren’t supposed to say “hate.” We’re only allowed to feel it, not express it because we’re dolls and not actually human beings with a full spectrum of emotions. I apologize from the…
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29 May 2012
Babies Against Fake Milk
There are two kinds of acceptable milk. The kind that cows pee and the kind that moms make. Toddlers are not fools. When you hand us a sippy cup full of soaked almond residue, we…
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29 May 2012
Shopping Cart Covers. For Serious?
You comfortable there, little guy? Feel insulated against a big bad world of germs in your traveling snuggie? Why didn’t your mom just go all out and put you in a polymer sphere so that…
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28 May 2012
Dear HT, Why Won’t My Nephew Kiss Me?
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The Book is Here!
